catch up

Not too much has occurred since my last write-up. I am still feeling in limbo regarding a bigger studio, as nothing has happened on that front as yet. Therefore, I am languishing still, vaguely hoping that something suitable will become available soon. I say vaguely because the situation feels a bit scary. I haven’t had an idea in my head re. my work – since leaving my old studio, and although not thinking about such things often feels purposeless, at the same time I’m sort of reveling in my languishing.

There are also times when I do have itchy fingers and want a decent studio space. I also miss the structure of planning my time around going to my studio and working. ‘Working’ is a loaded word. Having worked for years in order to earn a living – getting up every weekday at the same time, going out, coming home, and getting paid, has its benefits as well as its pressures. It gave a structure to my life which although time-consuming, made the space of leftover time more precious.

And now, I look to the possible future of having a great studio with plenty of space, plus plenty of wall space, soundproofed, plus central heating, and all at a price that I can afford. Some hope. But can we squash such hopes? Try as I might I cannot – I bet the future has hidden plans that do not coincide with my immediate wishes. The future is such an enigma, one that cannot be tamed, it runs ahead whilst we attempt to hang on to its coat tails with no luck. Getting all philosophical now – is there such a thing as the future? I have been pondering this question. We are often advised to leave the past behind, begin anew, look to the future. But maybe we are always living in the past? Every second in ‘the now’ becomes the past, it folds back on itself and we are left to envision our dreams, hopes, wants, and desires with the ever-present shadow of a huge question mark.

1 of a series of drawings – weapons of mass production – time

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